Nexus Ops and Vegas Showdown

I finally played these two games from my Tanga order.

Vegas showdown rates a 7 in terms of preying upon my weaknesses. I did ok with it, though at one point Robin outbid me on a room tile I really wanted, and I pointed out a few too many times that I had miscalculated and let it slip out of my grasp. More problematic was the fact that I (completely accidentally, honest to god, it was 2 of the same building with some unusually specific rule about placement) placed 2 buildings illegally. When it was pointed out, I fixed it as best I could as far as what I would have done had I known, to my significant detriment. Even though it was an honest mistake, I felt like an asshole.

Its no wonder I don't play games any more, what the fuck is wrong with me?

Nexus ops is far more friendly to me, in that it feels quick and has lots of luck. But I completely kicked ass and won handily, which is no real test of my progress. I'm good enough at being a sporting winner, its the losing thats the trouble. I'll have to try to let this victory keep me warm next time I play and fend off the asshole if I'm losing.

Not as reflective nor strong a post as I'd have liked, but its 5 am and I'm fending off insomnia, so god dammit.

I think I'm getting better, gameswise, but my progress remains slow. You'd think recognizing the problem would be all it took, but whatever my issue is is apparently deep-seated at worst, and tenacious at best.